I’m Not Attracted to Fat Women: the Truth About Being Over Weight

 Almost three years ago the New York Times published a piece about Black Women and fat. The author starts off her writing giving statistics about diabetes and cancers and then she goes on to say, “What we need is a body-culture revolution in Black America.” Being an overweight black female, I understand that I have a weight problem. However, is it only black women that suffers from “fat-lash”? Reading Alice’s article I was quick to make the piece about race. However, obesity doesn’t have a specific color, gender or age. Truthfully, Alice is right, we are fat because we want to be.

I could think of countless times when I’ve said , “Hey I need to work out” and never do. I’ve said the same thing about eating healthier. Truth is, I consistently make excuses. Working out is the easier part of losing weight but when push comes to shove, its hardest when you have to change your mindset.

Some women pray for a bigger chest, the right curves and a jiggly ass. For me being beautiful isn’t that simple. Women are beginning to push forth the idea that you should love the skin you’re in no matter what. Who’s to say you aren’t? However, do you want to love the same skin that is losing its elasticity because the fat is stretching you like a rubber band?  Realistically even the people I gawk over has fat on their skeleton. When Kim Kardashian was pregnant I looked at her and thought, “even if she doesn’t have any wit or functioning brain power, she has a body like a normal person”.  Growing up it was taboo to wear anything over a size 9. Society had strict guidelines about being a fat model. Even fat models lost their “pudgy cheeks and kangaroo pouches”. 

Men once upon a time cheered on the extra “cushion” his woman packed behind her. Some men actually like “more cushion for the pushin’”. However, when do the woman look at herself and think “oh this enough”. When I gave birth to my first child, I weighed 300 lbs which was the largest I have ever been in my life. The weeks after I’d given birth I lost weight and I was seldomly eating. Then I found myself starving and back to the refrigerator I went.

However, I never understood how being Black and overweight was any different than being white and fat. Logically, the fat is the same but the environment is different. I’ve noticed while going grocery shopping, eating healthier is far more expensive than eating cheap, greasy fast food. I’ve noticed that in a middle class white neighborhood, there are places like the Whole Food Markets and their grocery stores have better selections of produce and meat. In the poorer neighborhoods you have the corner store or poorly kept grocery stores. Maybe it’s a figment of my imagination, but the poor minority doesn’t have equal access to a healthy variety of food.

That doesn’t change the healthy initiative that we should be taking. Eating healthier now is far cheaper than the Diabetes I’ll possibly acquire that will coincide with my double chin or excess back fat.  In the future, being over weight will no longer be apart of my vocabulary. To date, I’ve lost 20 pounds. For most that isn’t a lot but for a girl with low self esteem on the inside it’s a leap of motivation. Losing weight has always been an ongoing battle for me. Maybe it will always be. Truthfully, I don’t want my daughter to remember the excess skin that hung from mommy’s neck. I don’t want my husband to love me because I’m beautiful the way I am. Most of all, I don’t want to be the girl broken in the dressing room because I cant fit anything.

My goal is to be the model for a healthy minority. I don’t want to lose weight just because I’ll look like what America wants me to look. 18 years from now, I want to be sitting in the front row of my daughter’s graduation. I want to be picked up and swung around like in the movies. Realistically, I want to be a person I could love forever. I’m not saying that fat women will never find love. Nor am I saying that fat women are unattractive. I’m simply saying that I'm not attracted to the fat woman I am.

About Being Plus Sized

One day I sat down on the edge of my bed and looked into the mirror at myself and I began to cry. The past year or two had been very stressful for myself but I never took the time to sit down and talk to anyone. I did something that was tragic to my health and now I continuously pay the price for my actions. I became a slave to fast food. Eating was no longer something that I did to live. I lived to eat. Eating at one point became a sport. Many meals I would sit down and eat a large fry from McDonald's, a tray of food from Cook Out and have a large tea from Bojangles. If that wasn't enough, I would make a late night food run to get ice cream, a pint of Queso and I would search the local convenience store for a liter of Strawberry Fanta. The addiction had gotten so bad people would ask questions like "are you pregnant?" I would always get mad because truth of the matter was I wasn't expecting. I was just fat.
    After while, eating was a hobby, However, before I could say enough was enough my body took a rather drastic approach of rebellion. I didn't have to push away from the table. My body pushed me away instead. Over the course of a year I began to get sick. My hands and feet began to look like water inflated hospital gloves. I began to get headaches and my nose would bleed on occasion more blood than was stored at the Red Cross. I began having illusions of things that weren't existent. Truth is, I felt terrible. I looked just as bad as I felt. At some point I had to quit eating because enough was past enough now. 22 years old and 300 pounds, if I didn't die from obesity, surely it would be something else health related. Sadly, my body rejecting food wasn't what made me want to quit eating. One morning, I thought I was having a heart attack. I panicked. Even after I felt better, I wouldn't sleep for awhile because I was afraid that I wouldn't wake up again. That is when I said, "look girl you have to do something". Growing up, my religion spoke heavily on speaking things into existence.For many days and many nights I vowed change. I called unto God saying the following words,

"Lord if you are listening, I am coming to you begging that you have mercy on me and allow me to make positive changes. Allow me to become the woman you want me to be. Erase whatever is plaguing my body. I can no longer live this way. "  

From then on I dedicated myself to make a change for the better. If health wasn't enough, I did it for other reasons. Women were on a binge demonstrating why you should be satisfied with your body. What happens when your self esteem becomes damaged? In the process of losing weight, I learned that it was no longer about living according to societal standards, what about what you want from yourself? I would sometimes stare at my belly's stretch marks and compare them to track marks from a junkie. That's how hideous they were. If that wasn't enough, my arms had more jiggle than jello. I was no longer able to pick up a size 12 jeans and throw them on the counter for purchase. I had to slide away from my parents, boyfriend or whomever and go to the section with the size 22 pants. I went up approximately 5 pants sizes and I was only 22. Happy? No I was a long way from such. 

 I am not discouraging plus sized women, I am only questioning are you really happy with the skin you are in? Last week I read an article about a woman who was "plus sized". However, she wasn't the definition of plus in the world of a Fat Girl .These ladies try to teach you to be self confident but they strut with not one stretch mark visible to the naked eye. The truth is being plus sized is great if that's what you like. True, there are other factors that we cant control such as genetic make up. One thing for certain is that we can control what we eat. 

For a year and a half I was dating the most amazing guy ever. However, my half of the relationship was always subjected to scrutiny from myself. If he ever wanted to go swimming, I never wanted to show my naked stomach. I was embarrassed because he couldn't even lift me off the ground if I wanted a piggy back ride. Who would honestly give a piggy back ride to a pig? While we had developed a close relationship, there were times where I could eat him under the table and wouldn't be shamed. I gained weight and I gained weight but he would never say a damaging word when it came to my appearance. 

After while, I fell into a deep state of depression. Times were so bad, I wouldn't even take pictures and I had to squeeze into everything that I owned.

  Why am I saying this? Somewhere in the world there is a girl like me who is declaring that enough is finally enough. Fat, small, tall or short, only you know what is pleasing to your body. For years I had been vowing to make a change. I come to realize, if I don't make this change now, I may not have years left.

Besides my health and desire to have a family, there is a dream that I hope to fulfill. One day I wish to run around naked without the shames of stretch marks. For some that is odd, but for me that is something that I have never been able to do. So cheers to that girl like me who is ready to make a change. Believe me when I say anything is possible. Big ups to the fat girl. The first step to making a change is changing yourself. Despite the challenge, everything else is bound to fall into place.

Living Past Christmas

Living past Christmas

By Ariel B. Fair

While reading an article entitled, “I’m Dreaming of A Cheapskate Christmas”, I realized I’m cheap everyday, not just Christmas.  With the fluctuation of prices and uncertainty of jobs, it is wise to save your pennies and if you are like me, you literally save all of your PENNIES.  Sure life does have a perfect way of reminding us that we don’t effectively utilize our resources.

As a constant reminder, I don’t mind looking and spending like a cheapskate if I have all I need.

First rule of thumb, list exactly what you need. The stressors of everyday living include buying things that aren’t needed. If you are shopping for food, concentrate on buying food.  For a while, I could not go to Wal-Mart without picking up something that was not on my list. I learned that it is easy to spend a hefty sum that way.  If you have a busy schedule, focus on foods that are eatable on the go. There’s no need to buy food that requires time that you do have. It’ll sit in the refrigerator for weeks, and eventually you’ll forget you have it.

Set a budget.  Learning from experience, its no fun looking at an empty bank account. Set a budget and maybe that can be avoided. I always spent everything I had with the ideas, “you only live once’, or “you cant manage what you don’t have”.  Truth is, your credit lives forever and you can manage limited funds with the idea that more contributions will allow the account to expand.

 According to the International Business Times, the average American family spends  $35,918 in providing the basics to maintain a suitable quality of life. This doesn’t include other expenses and entertainment.  Think about what you need and stick to it. Never go anywhere without a list of what you may need. Shopping without a list is a trap and leads to every one’s arc nemesis, THE BROKE MONSTER.

Family

If you are shopping for more than one person, concentrate on what they want the most. Think of this as a treat. If you are spending and you aren’t using cash, plan to pay the balance off in a reasonable amount of time. If something takes more than three months to buy, most likely you can’t afford it. Leave it where it is.  If you are paying for an item with cash, go to the ATM and take out a set amount. If your bill exceeds what you have, put something back. If you really needed it you would be able to get it. It’s that simple.  Remember, you don’t live one day out of 365. You live everyday. There is need to have money on Monday and be broke Tuesday morning.

Bills

Growing up, my mother always taught me that you pay yourself first. You go to work everyday, buy yourself something nice but don’t over indulge in the power of your debit card. Now its time to pay bills. It is a rule of thumb to never buy things you know you cant afford on your own. Let’s get something straight, your credit can be your Savior or that Devil on your shoulder.  When paying your bills, to ensure you have money to live with, try to pay bills on different dates. If you know you get paid on the 3^rd and the 17^th of April, what needs to be paid first? If your mortgage needs attention, pay that on the 3^rd. Two weeks later make sure your car and credit card get the attention needed. Set reasonable time differences between the two to make sure nothing is late (avoid those fees).  Don’t forget those little annoying doctor bills you receive after forgetting about your last trip to the doctor.  Bill collectors are like Basset Hounds. Trust they will get their money! You can duck and dodge all you want but even if they have to garnish your wages, they will collect their debt.

Student Loans

Your student loan is a bill! Forget to pay those off and your credit will suffer greatly! In my recent search for apartments and a vehicle, I learned that the person you are trying to borrow from judge you by your ability to pay off your loans. Not paying your bills means that you are untrustworthy and you are a risky borrower. With this idea, you wont be able to get anything because you are judge by your credit history.

Entertainment

We all have those moments when we hate being stuck in the house for any reason. This is especially true for little ones, but remember there is plenty to do if you get creative! My idea of fun is taking a trip to the bookstore because I like to read. My parents simply enjoy the company of one another. Instead of plotting ways to spend money that you realistically don’t have, get out and get active. Go to the park and enjoy the weather. It would be greater if you could volunteer your time doing something for someone in need (raking yards, visiting the elderly, babysit the neighbor’s kids).

Overall, focus on making a difference. Do something that truly matters to you. If you have children, go outside and play a game or teach them about nature. If you love people, volunteer to spend time with somebody (doesn’t particularly matter who). If you want to just relax outside with a book beside a local pond, do it. However, there definitely is no need to spend yourself into the land of BROKE. Nothing is wrong with being cheap just remember your priorities. You can be cheap and still enjoy things that make a difference.  Living this way, everyday is Christmas for me because I can do just about everything I wont without a price tag attached. 

Evaluating life and Student spending

The time has come to be evaluating my after college plans. As an upcoming graduate of Lander University, my classmates and I hadn’t even began to look at the monetary monster that would be crippling our lives for the next 10 years or so. All the adults around me frequently tell me how lucky I am and that I should pursue the extra challenge by going to graduate school. Truly I am blessed, but I realized most of my monetary blessings would be forcefully donated to Uncle Sam, because he was very kind in lending me my money to further my education.

After many sleepless nights and annoyed mornings, I sit and wonder what comes after college. Adults always told us growing up that we could be whatever we want in life if we applied our minds. They never told us that our dreams came with such a hefty price tag. Deep in my heart, I believed that this as well as other things was mythological and that my life was bound to me living as an average Josephine. Now I wonder, how can I instill in others the hopes of being successful, if my own dreams are dampened and sour?

Although, the last four years of my life had been difficult, I remember my grandmother embracing me tightly and saying she was proud of me because she knew that I wanted and would accomplish so much of what I wanted in life. Here I am wallowing in self pity because of a few bumps I’ve come crossed along the way. My nights were filled with agony and my cloudy days were masked by fake smiles and false hopes.

The point is my troubles began with the idea of financing college. Coming from a background that isn’t as rich as others, I felt like school wasn’t made for me. Instead it was made for the students with flashy clothes and hefty pocketbooks. Sad to say, I’m not the only student facing an economic crisis. Who knew that being all you could be came with a price tag? Even though school has been the arch nemesis of my existence (financial purposes), I am grateful for the experience that it has bought me.

School has allowed me to sample all subjects. I didn’t come to school to get a feel of life without my parents, but I was able to gain knowledge in various subjects and apply them to my passion for education. So, instead of frequently burdening others with my complaints, I give thanks for the opportunity that many people consistently struggle to afford.

During the economic crisis, everyone knows of someone in need of some financial blessings. That blessing for equals the ability to supply extra finances to finish my educational journey. Upon entering college, we (students) were given a figurative student loan credit card, with a set-spending limit. However, for students like me, that’s not enough because little aid but maximum loan borrowing has funded my entire education.

Many students will be without the opportunity to go to school. Many people have to make a life the best way they can. As I learned in life, many things occur. Many clouds arise, some predicted and others unexpected. But with cherishing the moment, managing our pockets and being thankful for the good/bad, we can discover that the good days will out number the bad. We will soon learn that success isn’t a thing of the past, for some of us it takes a stronger determination and greater frame of mind because nothing is impossible to achieve no matter what the hardships.

To the students out there in a similar financial struggle, keep your head up. Despite the 1.2 trillion dollars we owe in student loans, it is our genius minds that will some day rule the world. 

The Controversy Surrounding Dzhokhar Tsarnaev

August 2013 Issue Cover
Courtesy of Rolling Stone

After putting Boston bombing suspect  Dzhokhar Tsarnaev on the cover of its August issue, Rolling Stone sales have doubled. The magazine sales were reportedly twice as much as sales in 2012. However, many are outraged quoting that the magazine is being "Insensitive". Major Drugstore chains such as CVS and Walgreens, boycotted the coverage because of the magazine's lack of sympathy. Readers have accused the magazine  of  "glorifying" the troubled youth after Rolling Stone was quoted in saying, "The Bomber: How a popular, promising student was failed by his family, fell into radical Islam and became a monster." During the outrage surrounding this issue, the editors issued a sympathy statement at the beginning of the article.

" Our hearts go out to the victims of the Boston Marathon bombing, and our thoughts are always with them and their families. The cover story we are publishing this week falls within the traditions of journalism and Rolling Stone’s long-standing commitment to serious and thoughtful coverage of the most important political and cultural issues of our day. The fact that Dzhokhar Tsarnaev is young, and in the same age group as many of our readers, makes it all the more important for us to examine the complexities of this issue and gain a more complete understanding of how a tragedy like this happens. –THE EDITORS"

The April 15 bombing killed 3 people and injured 260. Sgt. Sean Murphy referred to the 19 year old as evil and photos of him show what the real bomber looks like. Murphy is now under scrutiny for releasing photos without authorization and will possibly face suspension until an internal investigation is completed. 

Kanye Begs Beyonce to Visit Baby

Courtesy of Google

England has its Prince William and Kate. The United States has its own version of royalty, Beyonce and Jay Z. Is the Queen B having issues with fellow Mom club member Kim Kardashian?

Cowell Father Friend's Child

Courtesy of Twitter

American Idol Mogul Simon Cowell is allegedly expecting a child with the wife of a close friend according to US Weekly.

Aztec Human Sacrifice

500 year old remains found in Aztec Ruins
Courtesy of Huffington Post

For over 500 years in Ancient Aztec ruins laid the bones of a person who was a sacrifice. Archaeologists discovered the skull in  a vessel at the end of the Tlatelolco site in Mexico’s capital, according to a press release on July 26.